Round twenty-three
Okay, where was I.
I fully have the right to seize all of your supplies -“
You know, I’m not a hundred percent sure she does. Stephen Fry may be famous and universally beloved, but that doesn’t actually put him above the law.
Toph Bei Fong: actually a fascist. God help Republic City.
And here we have a classic demonstration of the Sam Vimes ‘Boots’ Theory Of Socio-Economic Unfairness. Our Honest Tradesman cannot afford to deal in the credit that would end up making him wealthy, much to the frustration of the aristocracy, who, of course, never carry money.
but tomorrow we’ll be in Tien’s Landing
‘where we’ll be forced to contend with angry fox spirits, two raging demons co-inhabiting the reanimated corpse of a little girls, and proto-Mordin Solus.
It was a bold question, but Toph was anxious to figure out what was going on. Something was there - making her nose itch, even. She was close. And she had her hunches about the old woman.
She’s either Li or Lo. Calling it now. Or both, in an elaborate double-act.
Because what, really, was there to say?
For someone who can literally read people, Toph is not actually very good at reading people.
By noon the next day they were in Tien’s Landing, a comfortably middling trading town sprawling out along the shores of a great lake.
They were immediately set upon by a woman who had been planted in the village twenty years ago by General Iroh, a woman who’s fiance was being beaten up by a childhood friend turned mob boss, a corrupt weasel who had unlawfully taken over the tea house, and a man who wanted to teach people The Way Of The Closed Fist. Unfortunately, Toph skipped all the dialogue and didn’t actually hear what any of their quests were.
I never really bought Toph as a member of OWL. Might just be because I want Sokka to be speshul, but there you go.
And then she began to sing.
round twenty-two
It had been years since Katara had last properly panicked.
Oh I am with you on that one.
“Run,” Zuko little more than sighed.
And then she was cut off by Zuko kissing her hard on the lips.
Hurray! Or some such thing.
and with a reckless grin, Zuko launched himself off of the edge of the walkway down into the crowd below
Zuko actually thinks he’s Batman. No two ways about it.
And then they sunk down into the darkness, leaving the clatter of the guards and their armor behind.
Whenever I see armour spelled like that I instinctively think it’s saying ‘amor’, and get dreadfully confused.
I’m sorry I’m just flitting all over the place this evening.
round twenty-one
She had to turn back, glancing in Guifu’s general direction, to get an answer. “Of - of course,” the woman spluttered. “Are your burns finally feeling better, then? I’m sure in a few days, I could -“
“How about now?”
Toph is Eddie Izzard’s description of Steve McQueen.
Guifu’s voice was small, a soft whisper behind Toph’s shoulder. “If we stick to the shadows, we can -“
More heavy footsteps - the fat guard stumbled out. Toph raised the metal scrap she had been carrying with her like a whip and it struck out with viper-like swiftness to land a solid blow on the guard’s bald head. Guifu did not say anything about the bright crimson slash it left behind - not even a murmur or a gasp. Instead she watched the guard slump to the ground, lifeless, as Toph’s nostrils flared in anger.
Okay Toph is actually Altair from the first mission of Assassin’s Creed. Hide in plain sight, do not disrespect the Creed, etc. Keep this up and Duncan is going to have to stab you with a magic Demotion Knife.
(I have been watching an Assassin’s Creed Let’splay)
The fic I abandoned before starting up GoW featured a subplot in which Toph, under the encouragement of Grim N Serious OOC Sokka (I was young and had just got into Assassin’s Creed, forgive me) killed about thirty people. She then had PTSD for basically the rest of the fic, because hey, she can feel people’s heartbeats. That’s probably going to mess a kid up.
Anyway, tangent.
“Forgive me, Lady Beifong. I see something that I must finish.”
Someone left half a pie out.
He died very, very slowly.
…
The world exploded into movement.
And this is why you don’t bother with the high-profile flashy kills when you can just rig the barbecue to explode and walk off disguised as a clown. There’s no way in hell they’re getting a Hitman rating from this mission.
They were safe.
Like hell are they.
Round twenty
And it was natural that water was confusing. His element was fire, after all.
Benders are basically pokeymen. This is canon, and also hilarious.
He had endured what seemed like ages of black water tossing him back and forth… Now the water was no longer oppressive.
SUBTLE SHIP FORESHADOWING.
he buoyant sea water was polite enough to only lap at the very edges of his mouth, as soft as kisses
PROGRESSIVELY LESS SUBTLE SHIP FORESHADOWING.
Spirits, did his head hurt. But he had to ask. “Did I…?”
Nobody likes to be told they’re a snorer.
Being only mostly dead made very little sense.
“Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your Fire Lord here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.”
A few hours later, Katara braced her feet against the bars of the prison cell and gave another huff. It was rather hard to stare down someone behind a mask, but she was managing quite all right. And she certainly wasn’t letting go of his cape.
This reminds me of something…
Katara just went from Miracle Max to Karkat Vantas in under thirty seconds.
The guard stared back at her, mute behind his mask. His cape was wrapped halfway around him, the edge firmly in Katara’s grip. With a grunt, she tried to pull it further, but there was no satisfying snap of cloth beginning to tear.
“But I am merely a servant of the Master, as all Prophets are.”
Unexpected Dr. Who crossover!
“All warfare is based on deception…”
Plot twist! Zuko was the bad guy all along!
Round nineteen
Koh’s cave had disappeared, melting away like salt in hot water,
Good analogy. Clean, simple, not a cliche, and not trying to be emotionally manipulative one way or the other- that kind of analogy gets old fast.
The ground beneath his feet was spongey
Good lack of an analogy here. ‘the ground beneath his feet was spongey. Like a sponge/like a sponge cake/ like a pile of biscuits left out in the rain’ would be overdoing it.
he still had no answers to who was ultimately out for Zuko’s blood.
VAMPIRES
(to this day, I subconsciously associate people who ship zutara with people who like twilight. I realise this may be unfair)
(to people that like twilight)
(joking)
(a bit)
“There are so many interesting things to talk about, aren’t there, Avatar? Such as Katara, and how she has slipped away from you.”
“We couldn’t just start off with our favourite books or something, sort of work up to my minefield of a love life? No? Okay that’s cool.”
“Long, meaningful glances – slow, lingering touches…”
author fiat… the list goes on.
I’m sure she has already told herself how she wants a man, and not just a boy.”
“I mean if this was a kataang you’d be Pimpmaster 5000 by now, but nope. Them’s the breaks, kid. Just count yourself lucky you aren’t a domestic abuser by this point and cut your losses. Maybe that chick from The Headband is still single.”
“…No, actually. I don’t.”
“Because I’m actually driving the plot, you see. I’m doing stuff that needs doing. Everyone else is basically hanging around until I do this thing. I am important. I was the main character.”
He has already had a wife!
And look what happened to her! Of course, if she was alive, none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have put up with this nonsense.
(Katara has a fairly low tolerance for nonsense, but she’s got nothing on Mai.)
you will be nothing more than a nagging memory to them both.
no it’s Katara that does the nagging. Aang just sort of whines.
And then he was somewhere else.
This does tend to happen when you run.
“These are things you need to hear…”
Walk without rhythm, and it won’t attract the worm. If you walk without rhythm, you’ll never learn. Geez.
“He’s changed. He’s become a better person.”
“It’s like you people were never dicks when you were sixteen. Come on.”
“…No. No, he wouldn’t do that. I don’t – I don’t think he would.”
“I’m not even convinced he could. Can he shoot lightning? I thought he was too crap to shoot lightning.”
Why didn’t you stop us, why didn’t you stop us, the trees sighed. Why didn’t you save us from ourselves?
the trees will look up and cry ‘why didn’t you save us?’ and I’ll whisper
‘I tried, but you’re just too fucking stupid’.
Round eighteen
Katara wasn’t surprised by how quickly they came for Zuko
RUD3 >:[
Time was slippery in such a dungeon
Are you telling me that…
time keeps on slippin’ (slippin’ slippin’) into the future?
Because Space Jam would have been a very different movie if Katara had been the star.
But mostly she waited for a hint of Zuko.
Buy the new fragrance, A Hint of Zuko, now! The authentic scents of singed hair, desperation, and tears! Mail order only.
“I don’t suppose that I can refuse.”
“No. You cannot.”
“I’m the villain, don’tcherknow. Just in case there was any confusion.”
The lamp began to move around on its track, and Katara immediately squeezed her eyes tightly shut
Well, that’s one way to avoid the whole thing. Jet feels like a right muppet right about now.
“Your rise to such mastery of waterbending in such a short time, for example
“It’s almost as if the animators just wanted to be able to use all those great set pieces they had come up with, and didn’t really care that this meant that literally every bender in the plot was some kind of prodigy. I mean apart from Zuko of course, but he gets to be a Spontaneous Ninja whenever he’s dressed like Batman.”
“So very easy to hold the water there…”
“Unless, like, he walked off or something. That might be awkward.”
“Ah, yes, I am aware. But have you changed, Master Katara?”
I mean Zuko had about eight different costumes throughout the series. The same really can’t be said for you, though, can it? I mean you wore a parka in the first episode and a red dress in season three, but that’s about it, isn’t it? You must absolutely reek.
“He would have been your lover if your heart had not been so cold.
“Or if the author shipped kataang. But it is a little odd that they’re deciding to place the blame on the main characters, rather than the castoff.”
Would explain why the guards were holding her arms so tight they were going numb, at least.
The guards were going numb?
“We did nothing. It was the water, Master Katara.”
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. But monkeys kill people, if they’ve got a gun.
I have even made sure it is the full moon.”
I know people who know people who know her, you know. I’m connected.
She blinked rapidly, tears threatening her again. “Come on, Zuko. Damn it – damn you – hurry up and breathe -” She grit her teeth, voice fierce in anger. “Breathe!”
This could all be avoided if she just knew CPR.
Round seventeen
Breaking the tradition of *quote* *flippant comment*, but I’m slightly disappointed that you didn’t take the Spirit World visit as an opportunity to go balls-out trippy, but then again I had that exact same complaint in canon, so there you go. It’s the Fade Syndrome, I suppose. You take a place where physics is out the window, where everything is possible from gravity vanishing to seven-armed fuckbears to homeopathy being true, and it always gets visualised as a murky-brown fog-covered swamp, with maybe something peculiar in the skybox. So there you have it: the Spirit World = slightly disappointingly executed.
Anyway, where was I
Her fan pointed towards him, almost accusingly.
IF YOU FUCK UP I WILL EAT YOUR CHILDREN.
Psychopath Kyoshi is the only Kyoshi I am in the market for, to be honest.
Anyway, Koh.
I love Koh more than I love most characters that only appeared in one scene.
I am merely given them… by people who violate the rules of the game.
Okay so we’re rolling with Koh-as-that-guy-from-Saw? I can, as they say, dig it.
“At most I have acted as, oh… an official. A lawyer, if you will.”
please please please give him the little wig.
You know, Koh would be much more efficient at this whole face-stealing thing if he stopped bothering with this whole sudden-shouting routine and just started tickling people.
A ghost of a chain was set into a hook in the forest floor, and led up to a thick collar that had been clamped on his neck. His long hair drifted around his face, caught in the water, and he groped helplessly upwards towards the treetops. He gasped, bubbles escaping his nose.
You see, that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. More of this, less of walking through brown forests. Guess what guys, forests are already brown. I think. I’m colourblind. But I’m pretty sure brown is a dominant feature. Also some green.
There was something about the air, Aang couldn’t understand it - something bitter and buzzing that made his head hurt. That same twisted feeling. A foundation built out of shifting sand. He couldn’t think straight and a disgruntled growl came out of the back of his throat before he barked out the first desperate appeal that came to mind.
Aang are you literally arguing with the personification of Zuko’s neuroses. Because I can’t say I expected that in this chapter. Which is almost always a plus.
“Then fight this for honor’s sake, Zuko! I know you’re stronger than this! I know you wouldn’t give in to the dishonor of defeat so easily!”
Aang just went for the biggest paragon persuade option he could.
“Honor is a game for the living, Avatar. Surely you know that.”
Aang you haven’t done enough sidequests. Try reloading and putting the death mask on.
Round sixteen
“I was expecting a warmer hello,” Katara grumbled
Zuko, there is no excuse for impoliteness. I don’t care whether or not you just spent the last hour having your fingers broken, you should be nicer about it.
“Then you’ll be… free to go.” Another few deep breaths. He was in pain – that much was obvious. Katara’s mouth drew in a thin frown. “Soundest strategy.”
Zuko I am revoking your Melodrama License. You obviously can’t be trusted with it.
Zuko you are forcing Katara to be the level-headed and undramatic person in the relationship, and you know how she hates that.
They still told the story of the fire Avatar before Roku – Zahira the Shining.
They tend to omit the ending, though, these days. It gets people down a bit. You can still visit the hedge maze, though, if you really want to.
there was something in the air here that made it seem like the wall between the physical and spirit world was a little thinner than usual.
Truly prodigious amounts of ganja.
I’m sure they’re fine, Sokka. We’ve all been through worse.
I don’t think anyone in the history of fiction has actually said ‘I’m sure they’re fine’, and meant it. Either that or they always get hit with the Dramatic Irony Stick.
I thought it would cheer you up a little nonetheless.
“She had already broken the wax seal, and the letter itself was an intensely dry affair
Nothing spells fun like F-U-N. Failing that, logistics.
The artist’s signature took up a good third of the piece
This is clearly biting commentary on deviantart pieces that have descriptions five times the size of the actual picture.
Round fifteen
There was some small comfort in that she was given ample opportunity to showcase one of her new talents that had come with adulthood.
Is it belching the National Anthem.
…Oh bother it was actually something whimsical. Well that takes the wind out of my sails somewhat.
“Huh. We’re just supposed to keep her, then. She won’t break until the others do, apparently.”
Why on earth are they keeping her alive? I mean, not that I’m advocating killing off a character that fandom has decided is completely immune to harm oh wait that’s precisely what I am doing.
“Toss her in with the old hag.
Hama Hama Hama Hama
“Guifu.
COCKS.
But I got to enjoy the look on his face afterwards
Well, figuratively speaking.
“Well, you must have done something before you were tossed in here.”
She stuck bills.
